i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
try to milk me bitch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
