There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
