i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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