Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
