my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
