ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
