my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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