I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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