non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
