I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
