Only a mothe r could love this liver
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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