I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
