So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
