last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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