i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
