You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish you could order shots online.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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