Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
