did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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