oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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