i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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