So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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