i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
