Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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