my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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