i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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