We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
