handjob tips. give me some.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
