So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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