We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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