Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
