You can't motorboat a personality
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
