google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
