Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
