Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
