so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
