Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
