someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
