It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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