Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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