i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
