Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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