Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
