Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am available for nakedness
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
