i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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