i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
