I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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