Who wears a wallet chain?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
