This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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