do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every concussion has its silver lining
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
