Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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