My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
