just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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