apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
