im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize