I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
