you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
