i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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