you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
