Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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