im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize