im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
