Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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