you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
