I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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