Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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