Non-Jews are for practice
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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