Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
